feels so much better :)

Monday, March 8, 2010 - written by the Queen, iera marhe
today feel so much better perhaps :) met ira and dydy really make my day :)
things are half resolve :)
alhamdulillah..after a few days drowning in tears. finally i'm kinda ok..
start to talk around with others. but i still feel it itsy bitsy bit in the heart.maybe i can't totally shake it off but i promise i will try very to shake it off :(
tired of feeling this..

don't speak :(

Sunday, March 7, 2010 - written by the Queen, iera marhe
i don't know..i can't really speak up today.it feels as my mouth can't be open to say anything.i only say things that will be important.i don't really know why.how could dis happen.for once i'm very talkative aight?
to many things happen in one night and i've been bombards with many statements and stuff.still stucked in the middle.it hurts so bad.been crying every minute of life nowadays.i wonder why dis happen to me?
do i have any wrong doings? if i do please forgive me people.cant take it anymore.siyesly.omg.really need to get out of this mess! but i don't know how?
should i say sorry? should i just ignore? should i do almost anything to get my life back?
why dont life have reset button?
can i have a reset button please?
please3! can't take it anymore!

hmm :(

Thursday, March 4, 2010 - written by the Queen, iera marhe
i'm not able to smile since last nite..btw. da lame gak en ta update blog nie!
it's hard..to many tension happens in my life for the past few days..
  • hausmate on the rawkx!
  • break-up
  • gado2 ngn bf meke2 :(
  • test secara pakse rela!
  • presentation belambak2!
so u see..thursday is a free day..so me and efa was on an movee escapade weddy evening.. 3 muvee kiteorg tgk..gasak sgt laa tu.. :p
before tgk mvee..ttb efa ckp :

"yah.kau jgn laa asek gado2 je ngn fik.jgn jd cam ak tau yah :) "

aku pon cam pleik jap.tp of course laa ak pon ad alibi nk bg kat die kn..
apeagi ktoerg layan mvee best! :)
then last nyte sumthyng bad happen..
i was crying my heart out in silence..
a few tears dropped down my face..

dis morning..i felt empty..
looking back..i think it's all my mistake..
maybe i was hopelessly wanting him to stay, i let him walk all over my heart.
i spoiled him too much.
i give him wat he want.
i really dont wanna hurt him, i just follow wat he said.
i really dont want him to be alone, i just follow where he wanna go even if i'm sick.
i really want him to achieve, i always be there with him.
i really want him to be happy, i give him whatever he wants.
i really want him to be cheerful, i'll stand by his side even when i have other things to do in mind.
i really want him not to be sad, i pass on things that i crave for!
i really want him to be happy with his friend, i dont mind to sit alone at the house with just my lappy with me.
i really want him to be extravagant, i let him take all the credit he wants.
i really want him to feel good, i let my ego down

i've done all those things for him and others dat i don't mentioned.but i'm to busy keeping him on the positive side.i pushed myself to be on the negative brink.
it's not that i wanna brag on my love life now but i don't know where else to go to..
pls babe.if u read dis.pls understand what i'm feeling.i cant take this anymore.
i dont know how i can mend my heart again..
maybe by now it's already full with stitches across and over it..